Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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