You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
