Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
