This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
