it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is my gift to your gina
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
