No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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