I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
