Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
