And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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