Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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