I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
