i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
