He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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