it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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