Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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