Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
