Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
