Don't make out with my wife yet
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
