I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
