yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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