hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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