I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize