Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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