Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
