Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
