i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
