OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
