i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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