I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
