This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
