Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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