is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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