I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
