I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
