We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
