don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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