I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
