I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
