i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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