I wanna passion pit in your ass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
