I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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