Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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