the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
high people should be assigned attendants
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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