I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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