So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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