i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
