i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
