Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
