I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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