its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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