Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
