two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
