Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
