...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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