So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
