Girls should come with a carfax report
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
