I'm really into asian looking animals
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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