I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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