hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
