if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
