I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
