so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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