Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
