you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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