I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
