I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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