There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
