$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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