Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
