I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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