we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.