I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
