Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
