You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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