Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
