what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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