party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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