I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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