did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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