he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
