fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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