You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
