Are we in a gay sports bar?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
