You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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